“You Made it Through The Holidays, Now What?”
Coping with loss during the holidays and special occasions is an immense challenge, particularly for those who have lost a spouse. While you may have successfully navigated the recent holiday season, it’s crucial to recognize that the journey through grief is ongoing. Your first year, marked by the absence of the person you shared these special moments with, can be particularly poignant. This article reflects on the challenges faced and suggests constructive ways to cope.
During the holiday season, the absence of a loved one becomes acutely apparent.
You have decided not to engage in customary celebrations. Putting up a Christmas tree, for instance, can be a legitimate coping mechanism. The relief felt after passing through New Year’s and Valentine’s Day can be both a triumph and a reminder of the ongoing struggle. The societal emphasis on couples exacerbates the sense of isolation for widowed individuals.
Holidays only add to the stress.
As spring approaches, there’s a perceptible change in the air. A newfound sense of freedom and anticipation emerges, signaling the possibility of healing. However, the looming prospect of upcoming holidays such as Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and other personal milestones like a spouse’s birthday or wedding anniversary can reignite the pain of loss.
People often employ various tactics to escape grief temporarily. Traveling, withdrawing, or immersing themselves in work will only mask your pain. While these strategies may provide momentary respite, it’s essential to recognize that grief will persist until confronted. Grief is an integral part of the healing process, benefiting physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being. Your ability to feel expresses your emptiness, and it hurts, but your reflection of love shared, and facing it is the first step towards healing.
Acknowledging grief is not a simple process. It encompasses a myriad of emotions, from fear and anxiety to loneliness and guilt. The sheer number of distinguishable emotions, as identified by psychologist Dr. Robert Plutcheik, reflects the complexity of the grieving experience. However, identifying and processing these emotions is a crucial aspect of the healing journey.
The author shares a personal experience of grappling with grief during the holidays. Despite the initial reluctance to celebrate, a getaway with family provided only a temporary respite. The return home, however, signaled the unavoidable reality of facing grief head-on. The acknowledgment of this reality and the commitment to take one step at a time become the pivotal “Now What.”
The essence of “Now What” is encapsulated in the philosophy of taking one new step each day. Facing grief, rebuilding, and continuing the life that was shared with the departed spouse become the focus. The blog emphasizes the importance of personal responsibility and the daily affirmation that “If it is to be, it’s up to me.” This philosophy becomes the driving force behind the author’s initiative, in the Surviving Spouse Club, which aims at helping others navigate the challenging journey of loss.
The article concludes with an uplifting message, expressing belief in the resilience of the reader. The choice to rejoin society as a healthy individual, armed with a wealth of memories and experiences, is presented as a powerful act of honoring both the departed loved ones and oneself. The collective journey of survivors is acknowledged, and the responsibility to move forward is embraced as an integral part of the healing process.