Three Of The Top Ten Steps To Begin The Grief Process
TRUTH TIME –
You have suffered a loss; it is okay to admit that fact. You may think this to be a ridiculous comment, but until you can face the truth, you cannot heal. You cannot fix what you have not acknowledged.
BUDDY UP –
This is your accountability partner, who is critical in the healing process. Someone to help keep you on track. Listen to wise advice. Choose a trusted friend, someone you can trust to place your best interest before their own. I highly recommend your trusted friend be of the same gender. Emotions are too fragile to mix genders, and that combination can often lead to unwanted difficulty. This person is rare but invaluable!
RESPECT & HONOR –
Cemeteries are not just a resting place. They provide a place to honor your loved one and a place of peace for you. I suggest you also create another place in your home to keep your spouse briefly. By this, I mean setting aside a private place, allowing yourself to stop the day’s business and remember your spouse’s unique qualities. Take time for yourself to celebrate their life. Give yourself time to grieve your loss and think about the special memories you shared. Tears will come, but they must not be sad tears. Your spouse remains a part of your life. Celebrate the fact that you are a unique person because of your relationship.
As you become emotionally healthier, you may remember your spouse from a physical place of respect to an even more personal and private place that will remain in your heart forever. Just know there may come a time when you decide to “move on“and continue your life. No matter if you remain widowed or remarry, you will never, ever forget your spouse. Your spouse is part of your life story; allow no one to take that away from you.
Think of it this way. When you were a child, you had glorious memories of your childhood. When you become an adult, you do not erase those memories just because you are no longer a child. Your spouse will always be an extraordinary part of your life’s story. Your deceased spouse will remain with you in the same manner.
Genuine love has no limits. You have one child that you love. When your second child is born, you love that child just as much as the first without reducing your love for the first. That is why many people struggle with loss. They put boundaries on their gift of love as if it were finite. Love is infinite. It is human beings who place walls around themselves. Many as a defense mechanism that does not allow them to see the bigger picture.
Grief takes time. You are worth the time to find solid ground. You will use this firm foundation to continue rebuilding your life; the better the foundation, the healthier you will become. There is no rush for this process. Take your time, face your grief, and honor your spouse. Some people move on sooner than others, but only you will know when that time is right for you. Be a little selfish with your decisions affecting your future.
The more emotionally healthy you are, the bigger the blessing you will be to yourself and others as your life continues.