As A Widow, It May Feel Like A Second Death
No one wants to think about losing their spouse. Today, Men and women enjoy their lives and avoid the “What if” question. This becomes a problem because most men or women who find themselves without their spouses may discover they are unprepared mentally, emotionally, and financially.
The reality is in today’s world; women are over three times as likely as men to lose a spouse. The average age of a widow is between 55 to 59. Many women marry men much older than themselves, which means a possible 26 years of life expectancy as a widowed person. According to a report from Merrill Lynch, of couples in America today, widows increase by 1.4 million each year. 14% of couples reported making their financial decisions by themselves, which means 86% of women, when widowed, had the overwhelming burden of all financial matters.
Losing your spouse is not only heartbreaking, but it is also heart-wrenching and the number one stressor of life. Now, consider the overwhelming stress from the mountain of paperwork, forms, closing accounts, government documents, loss of income, and more; most widows expressed they did not know where to begin. The same goes for widowers. If it leaves a widow with minor children, this compounds the financial burden.
The Top Financial Challenges of Widows
1: Becoming the sole financial decision-maker.
2: Adjusting to a loss of income.
3: Navigating financial paperwork.
4: Stressing over legal paperwork.
5: Transferring my spouse’s assets to my name.
6: Paying for my spouse’s end-of-life care and funeral costs.
7: Disagreeing with family members over finances.
It does not have to be this way. Since over 50% of couples have no plan, this reveals most couples are unprepared for loss. The book, “Preparing for the Unthinkable,” available on Amazon, provides a plan for couples to prepare themselves for such a tragedy. It explains how couples should not fear this task. As strange as it sounds, this financial planning tool helps build intimacy in their relationship. It increases the security factor of providing the tools to continue your protection of your family in the event of your passing. This data is priceless. If you have a choice, planning now is by far wiser.
If you have experienced loss, it will help you organize yourself and give you a better sense of control over your finances, plus the other data you will collect as you recover.
It is never financially wise for widows and widowers to make any significant decisions for at least a year after experiencing the death of a spouse. Some financial matters require your immediate attention, or that delay could cost you some entitled benefits. Make any financial decision cautiously. Always seek sound financial counseling before making any significant financial decisions. Everyone’s situation is different; thus, seek professional advice.
I want to recommend an excellent book titled, “Driving Solo: Dealing With Grief and the Business of Financial Survival,” by Susan Covell Alpert who is a financially savvy businesswoman, yet when widowed, she had to tackle all the financial business matters while grieving the loss of her spouse of 46 years. I recommend this book because of her depth of knowledge with often overlooked items such as capitalizing on the correct social security benefits.
I was 46, my wife 47, and after 25 years of marriage, losing my wife was traumatic. Unprepared to face my reality, I met many difficulties. I was unprepared for a loss. Like other couples today, I never dreamed this would happen, and 20 years later, I am still trying to recover financially.
I remarried five years later. After surviving that nightmare, today, I am always working toward ensuring my spouse has the tools to care for each other financially and a plan to leave wealth for my grandchildren.
and an uncertain future that every couple will face someday.
My wife and I now go over our finances together and plan our futures. In “Preparing for the Unthinkable,” we use the forms to record everything each of us knows as individuals so in case one of us dies, the survivor will have the tools to navigate more successfully.
To me, pre-planning for losing a spouse is more important than retirement funds. Retirement money is significant, but leaving money and information for the surviving spouse is critical. It is said that 25% of widows go through their spouses’ benefits within two months of their death. That fact is terrifying to me, and it should be to you.
If you have lost your spouse, my advice is to find a trusted friend to help counsel you. The book, “The Surviving Spouse Club,” describes a trusted friend as someone who believes your interest is more important than your own. It would be best if you had someone you can trust. Then, seek professional help. Take your trusted friend with you for a second pair of eyes, ears, and support. Never make significant or rash decisions after losing a spouse, especially without professional financial counseling. Those types of decisions may be very costly.
Planning for your future is not a decision to procrastinate. No one knows what tomorrow brings. The time used in this planning will one day bring joy instead of sadness. That concept is difficult for many to understand unless you have experienced losing your spouse. When you are all alone, and your spouse has taken most of what he knew to the grave, you will be glad you invested time now.