THE DONNA ELLER STORY
Donna Marie Conner Eller was born in Pampa, Texas, on September 7, 1946. How wonderful it is to celebrate her birth, as this interview will be our September Spotlight!
Donna’s dad worked in the oil field, which required a lot of travel. She recalls moving around a lot during her first four years in elementary school, but they always returned to Pampa. Her mom would take all the children to the Baptist Church while their Dad was traveling. They attended Sunday School, and Vacation Bible School, and Donna gave her life to Jesus at the age of nine. Church had always been important to her, and she loved learning about Jesus from her mom. Her mom had a big impact on her spiritual development and life.
The only girl with three brothers, two older, Joe and Richard, and one seven years younger, Jim, Donna shared that she was definitely spoiled being the only girl in the house, and her brothers loved to pamper her. She told me of a favorite story when she was five. With there being a seven-year age difference between her older brothers and her, they, of course, started school before her. She was sad she could not go to school with them. She recalled the memory of picture day at school and was allowed to attend and get her picture taken. Afterward, she, her mom, and her two older brothers went to the downtown drugstore and ordered a cherry limeade with lots of cherries topped with whipped cream. Remember the little spinning stools at the counter? That’s where she sat, and they would spin her around. Ironically, without any pictures of this day, she can recall the whole day perfectly in her mind.
They were like three different families. Her oldest brothers were only 18 months apart. Donna was born seven years later, and then seven years after her, Jim was born. Unfortunately, Donna lost her older brother, Joe, only two years ago. Richard lives in Allen, Texas, and Jim lives in Pampa, Texas.
“As a child, overall, I loved to twirl! I would watch the band and the twirlers at the football games. I joined the band in fourth grade to make my dreams of becoming a twirler a reality.” Then, Donna learned she had to play an instrument, so she learned to play the clarinet. She marched in her first Christmas parade when she was in the fifth grade. Her mom made her darling outfit, and her dreams of being a twirler were being fulfilled.
“Band is like a family,” and from that day on, Donna continued in the band programs and graduated from Pampa High School. She then went on to attend Abilene Christian University, where she would meet the love of her life, Larry Timothy Eller. Tim was one year ahead of Donna.
When asked how they met, Donna shared, “Tim would always say, ‘ I saw her in her shorts out on the football field!’” One day, Tim walked up to Donna as she was standing beside her locker, and he tapped her on the shoulder and said, “Would you go out with someone you don’t know?” Donna said, “Like who?” Tim responded, “How about ME!” Love was in the air!
For their first date, Tim took her to see the movie, “The Birds.” I asked Donna why that one? “Because Tim knew he could put his arm around me when I got scared.” Tim was always witty, and his one-liners were part of his quick personality.
During their dating years, they grew together in their faith. Tim attended the Church of Christ, and Donna had always attended the Baptist Church. The story goes Tim’s mom was not too happy he was dating a Baptist. However, Donna got baptized at the Church of Christ through their studying of the Word and learning more about each other. They were married on August 27th, 1966, in Pampa, Texas, at the First Christian Church. (That church had a center aisle, and we all know as ladies how important that center aisle is when you are getting married!)
Tim’s dream of becoming a Chemical Engineer would next take him to Texas Tech University. They both transferred to Tech to finish their degrees. Donna was in Education, and Tim was in Chemical Engineering. Donna taught first grade at Quail Valley Elementary for 18 years. She retired in 2004 and then returned in 2006 to teach second grade at Cornerstone Christian Academy for eight years, retiring in 2014. Tim fulfilled his career path in Chemical Engineering for the first ten years of their marriage. In the 1980s, he went into business for himself with an internet business. In his last years, he was the Manager of a drilling office in the oil industry.
Tim and Donna had three beautiful children. Steve, Brad, and Julie, and they blessed them with ten beautiful and loving grandchildren. Tim and Donna enjoyed road trips to see their four granddaughters and five grandsons. They were all about family and spending quality time together. When the doors church doors were open, you could count on them to be there!
Julie and Ethan were given Noah for only eight days on this earth. Donna will be featured on an upcoming podcast where she shares this heartwarming story of Noah, Julie, and Tim. Details of where and when it will be broadcast will be at the end of this article.
Donna shares her heart in this broadcast about how Noah changed their lives. “Julie grew through the loss of her newborn son, Noah. Tim and I grew from the loss of Julie, and now I am doing my best to grow from the loss of my soulmate, Tim.” Tim passed away from cancer on April 26th, 2022. Tim was a fighter, and he learned a lot from Julie after watching her fight cancer for five years.
Tim and Donna taught a class together called “While We Are Waiting.” They used their loss to help others navigate how to handle the loss of their child. The founder of this ministry called Donna to do an interview about her losses. This is where you will watch the episode on Podcast and YouTube.
What was your favorite thing you admired most about your husband?
How much he cared about people.
He had such an intuition about people and their needs.
In the last few years, I admired his Christian faith and knowledge of the Bible. His incredible teaching ability!
Tim was always connecting with people.
He was always turning on Audible and playing a Bible book over and over until he had it memorized.
Even though his eyesight was poor, he could see the Scriptures.
His eyesight started to fail in 2010, the same year as Julie’s cancer diagnosis.
From 2010-2012, he lost eyesight in one eye and 85% in the other. He could see forms but no details. I always told him, “You won’t get to see me grow old!”
His failing eyesight was very hard on him because he really couldn’t see his grandkids that well.
What was your biggest challenge to overcome in being a widow?
The loneliness and isolation. No matter how many friends, busy you are, or groups you are part of, you still have a house that is just “you.” When something happens, he’s not here to share it with. When things happen and you want to share with your one and only, they are not there to share.
We were married for 56 years and together for 58. Since 2010, we have been together pretty much all day, every day. One of the things I found to help me is writing.
I got a notebook. I write letters to him, just like we did in High School and College.
I sit down and write him a letter.
I’ve learned a lot these last few years. There will always be changes in life. It doesn’t help to keep secrets. If I can encourage anyone else, it is worth sharing.
What advice would you give to someone facing the loss of their spouse today?
We tend to want to figure things out to plan ahead of time. I don’t think you can.
The biggest thing is just saying to couples, don’t waste the time that you have together now!
Live! Preparing for Heaven? I didn’t really think about that as much as I have since Julie died. Even more so with the passing of Tim. I’ve had three years of really learning what Heaven is.
You can’t put a time on what your grief is going to be, and you can’t let other people tell you what your grief is. It’s very important to be around others that understand. Don’t let other people dictate how you are feeling to you.
Is there anything you are struggling with now that we can help you with?
Putting me in a place with no quiet time so I don’t think of what I have lost would be nice, but you can’t do that.
People do reach out, and that is wonderful. The Widows group has been such a great place to help women find a place to start.
I love the unity of being together. It’s a place where we can meet monthly and fellowship with those that really understand.
In approaching the holiday season, what advice would you give to widows facing their first holiday season without their spouse? Focus on yourself. Put boundaries down where you want them. Do what you feel is right for you. Talk to your family and express what you need during this time.
How did you handle the first year?
One of my biggest fears was living by myself. I always had people with me. I had never been in my house alone until Tim died. I was surprised that it came fairly easy for me to be at home without him. God helps me and is my daily strength.
The times come when you experience things you used to do together, and that is hard.
My example was the first time driving to ACU alone. Loneliness changes its face. I keep asking myself, what is it God wants me to do?
What things did you do to find purpose again after the loss of your spouse?
Prayer, Scripture, and I have read a lot of books about God being near me.
I keep encouraging myself to get out and be a part of something.
Peace comes to me from this place.
Fun facts about Donna:
I love being with my friends and family.
My family has always been my focus.
My favorite food is Mexican!